Breaking Through The Wall

I started off the track season with shin splints, tight glutes, and uneven hips. A couple months later, I got into a car accident that sprained my wrist and almost restricted all mobility mid back and above. I still have trouble writing exams because my shoulders cramp every single time. But the tipping point was during last night's practice. I had been fighting a cold for the past week and the sprinting was giving me a massive headache. Even before the practice was over, I was on my hands and knees. The best part was watching my lunch being regurgitated and the only thought I had during this whole process was "Shit, my dad put a lot of effort into making that lunch". As I began my one-hour journey home from campus, I received a call from an unknown number. It was from one of my coaches and the first thing he says is "How are you feeling, mess?" and funny enough that was exactly what I needed to hear. During the whole ride, I covered my face and tried to wish my pain away only to end up on the verge of tears. At one point, I had to get off the bus to throw up the rest of my stomach contents. There is no place worse than a public bus to feel dejected.

In the mind of a workaholic, there is no such thing as being overworked but there comes a point where you just can't take it anymore. I feel ridiculous explaining my weekly workload to my friends. 16 hours of school, 14 hours of commuting, 12 hours of track practice, 4 hours of chiro + physio + massage therapy and another 4 hours or so dedicated to my research project with seals. Not to mention all the homework and studying I have to do for my 6 courses. I have to plan each day to the minute. At exactly 12:30pm today I will be having my lunch. As crazy as all this is, if i were given the chance to redo my life, I'd probably do the exact same thing.

I guess that's a pretty good indicator that I'm doing what I love, but I just really need a sign telling me that I'm headed in the right direction. People always talk about "breaking through the wall" but I'm starting to think that this wall I've been hitting wasn't meant to be broken through. Maybe if I had taken that left turn earlier, I would've been at the end of the maze by now. Society has taught me that I should always persist until I get to the end. But what if I'm perfectly content with stopping halfway, plopping myself down on a couch and watching hours of TV? Because last night I watched American Idol for an hour and that was the most human I have felt this past year.

But hey, in less than 4 months I'll be backpacking across Australia. There's always something for me to look forward to and it's keeping me from shooting myself in the head. Maybe I'll take another stab at breaking down this motherfucking wall. This time, I'm bringing dynamite.