Twenty-one Years Young

A year ago, a couple days before my 20th birthday, I was standing outside Blenz having a quarter-life crisis. For some reason, I felt like time was running out and I had accomplished nothing at all. I wanted to do something drastic to change my life; I was ready for an adventure. There were so many things I had wanted to do and realizing I didn't know where to start and that I could potentially die the very next day, I panicked. While I was relaying all my thoughts to friend who was on his smoke break, a thought occurred to me: I need a cigarette. That night, he had three cigarettes but wouldn't even let me touch one. I did eventually smoke my first cigarette, but that's a story for another time.

On the day of my birthday, I had a 2 hour break between my classes so I decided to bus to Granville Street and find myself a present. Initially, I had wanted to purchase a skateboard but for some reason found myself inside Adrenaline. I walked in, told them it was my birthday and that I wanted a nose piercing. As I stared at myself in the mirror after having my nose pierced, I could not help but generate the biggest smile ever. I absolutely loved it and promised myself that I would never again question my gut feelings. I walked out feeling like a brand new person.

Fast forward to the present day, I just turned 21 yesterday and I cannot think of a  time where I was ever this happy.Within this year I have backpacked China, fallen in love, made connections with the top professors within my faculty, officially became a varsity track athlete and in a couple of months, I'll be flying off to Australia to study, work and travel for 6 months. I now have more hits on google than ever (seriously, google me). Slightly more famous, much healthier, and loads more accomplished. So much has changed in just 12 months and all I had to do was say "yes" to everything that I had always wanted.

But some things for me will never change - there will always be terrible pictures of me on the internet.

Sometimes Hedgehogs Stroll

And sometimes they eat peanut butter off your fingers.

Breaking Through The Wall

I started off the track season with shin splints, tight glutes, and uneven hips. A couple months later, I got into a car accident that sprained my wrist and almost restricted all mobility mid back and above. I still have trouble writing exams because my shoulders cramp every single time. But the tipping point was during last night's practice. I had been fighting a cold for the past week and the sprinting was giving me a massive headache. Even before the practice was over, I was on my hands and knees. The best part was watching my lunch being regurgitated and the only thought I had during this whole process was "Shit, my dad put a lot of effort into making that lunch". As I began my one-hour journey home from campus, I received a call from an unknown number. It was from one of my coaches and the first thing he says is "How are you feeling, mess?" and funny enough that was exactly what I needed to hear. During the whole ride, I covered my face and tried to wish my pain away only to end up on the verge of tears. At one point, I had to get off the bus to throw up the rest of my stomach contents. There is no place worse than a public bus to feel dejected.

In the mind of a workaholic, there is no such thing as being overworked but there comes a point where you just can't take it anymore. I feel ridiculous explaining my weekly workload to my friends. 16 hours of school, 14 hours of commuting, 12 hours of track practice, 4 hours of chiro + physio + massage therapy and another 4 hours or so dedicated to my research project with seals. Not to mention all the homework and studying I have to do for my 6 courses. I have to plan each day to the minute. At exactly 12:30pm today I will be having my lunch. As crazy as all this is, if i were given the chance to redo my life, I'd probably do the exact same thing.

I guess that's a pretty good indicator that I'm doing what I love, but I just really need a sign telling me that I'm headed in the right direction. People always talk about "breaking through the wall" but I'm starting to think that this wall I've been hitting wasn't meant to be broken through. Maybe if I had taken that left turn earlier, I would've been at the end of the maze by now. Society has taught me that I should always persist until I get to the end. But what if I'm perfectly content with stopping halfway, plopping myself down on a couch and watching hours of TV? Because last night I watched American Idol for an hour and that was the most human I have felt this past year.

But hey, in less than 4 months I'll be backpacking across Australia. There's always something for me to look forward to and it's keeping me from shooting myself in the head. Maybe I'll take another stab at breaking down this motherfucking wall. This time, I'm bringing dynamite.